Avatar - The Last Airbender

For the last week or so -- and including the last 2 days -- Princess and I have been glued to the telly, watching a little bald boy and his odd group of friends set out on a journey to restore balance to a world corrupted by the Fire Nation. Princess' Aunt introduced us to Avatar, now we can't stop it from invading our telly time.
We watched and rewatch some parts; and check out the special interviews. We want to know the creatures and the amazing people behind the scenes.

Since Easter, hardly a day has has gone by without us talking our "Avatar" talk. We are so besotted by Aang (the airbending hero who has a blue arrow running from his back to his forehead), Zuko(a Fire Nation prince who goes through a series of personal and spiritual transformations, Katara (the ever lovely Waterbender from the Southern Water tribe) and her brother Sokka (the silly but practical boy who seems to have a huge mind for science) and a blind sharp-tongued earthbender called Toph. We love Appa, the fury and snowhite giant bison with six legs that zips through the air like an aeroplane, and the lemur Momo which makes a funny screeching noise.

It was easy for Princess and I to fall in love with Avatar the anime series. The people who wrote the stories did such a splendid job that we went on an emotional journey with the characters. The animation was stunning and the theme music was catchy. Princess does the 4 different styles of kicks that comes with each of the 4 nations (Water, Earth, Fire and Air). She mouths the introduction to the series, imitating the American accent. I have a good laugh each time. Now we have to wait for the movie, due in 2010 (directed by directed by M Night Shyamalan. I wish they came to NZ to scout for talent, and picked Peter Jackson for this. He would have done a spectacular job -- and Aoteroa would have a chance to shine in the customs department!

Not since Hayao Miyazaki's (the master of Japanese animation)My Neighbour Totoro, and Spirited Away have Princess and I been so caught up by the sheer brilliance of animation.

With us watching the last of the 3rd box of DVDs from the Avatar anime, there will be a huge gap in our lives. Perhaps I will rewatch My Neighbour Totoro. Perhaps I will rewatch Kiki's Delivery Service or Howls Moving Castle...Ah, the beauty of animation!

I am glad Princess has taken to the content of the Avatar series. We are alike in many ways -- our love for stories. Avatar's themes are adult, but level enough for kids to follow. As humans, our journeys are mostly the same -- we have to fulfil our destinies, we have to learn forgiveness, we have to learn trust, we have to learn loyalty, friendships. and we have to know when to retreat. The tales told in Avatar cover all of those themes and much much more. Thank you Michael Dante DiMartino
Bryan Konietzko (the creators of this series)! I am sure Princess have learnt some amazing stuff just watching this Nickelodean series (which has about 12 discs).

How do children cope with disappointment?

Princess went to a gym competition on Sunday. She didn't win anything. She was all storm clouds and winter despite the sun being most dazzling outside. Not winning is ok, I told her. "Not after all the hours I put in," she says. "You don't know what it feels like, it makes you feel like you are not worth anything!"

I felt sad seeing all her internal turmoil. I tried to recall how I used to cope as a child. I was never a top student. Friends cried when they got 80% in their tests. I laughed out of sheer happiness, for getting 55%, especially in Math. I had my strenghts, but math was not one of them. I can't remember sheer disappointment except for when I missed out on promotions every year for 5 consecutive years at the NSTP, where I used to work. Why not? I was a star reporter, with many good scoops. After a while, I left and found success elsewhere. And oh, yes, there were two other disappointments in my life I will always remember -- not being chosen to perform in a dance at Chinese school, and not making it to the badminton team!

I told Princess that wining is not everything. Needless to say, my words might as well been thrown out as garbage. There were more tears about how just having something to show for all the hard hours she put into gym would have been nice. It went on for a while. Time will heal this disappointment. I am sure it will.

It is hard. Dealing with non-success. But children need to learn that success is not defined by medals or certificates. Yes, these external forms of gratuity are all welcomed as endorsement of what one has done right. Sometimes a little failure can help a child feel empathy for those who have never won a medal or any certificate. Sometimes it is good for a child to know there will always be someone better prepared, or luckier on that day.

I want Princess to succeed. But how can or should I help define for her "success" that is not measured by "goldstars" in school or "Distinctions" or "Excellent" or cups and medals? I don't really have the answers. All I could say was enjoy the experience of exercising but that went whoosh!

Princess is already highly successful by my definition. Obviouly my standards are much lower than her own. She aims high and demands great things of herself -- in sports, in school. Me? I just want her to stay happy and healthy.

If you have interesting stories to share about how you have helped your child cope with not succeedin, share your tale?

Of painting, buns and creative outlets

Mom got sarcastic today. She told me off for not being on-time in my weekly calls. I laughed it off. I normally call her in the beginning of the week. But somehow, this week, I have been very errant -- not only in calling mom in Malaysia, but in everything. I am beginning to be a slacker with (my home-based) work being so slow. Being not-on-time with my weekly calls with mom is not nice, especially when mom's waiting and waiting.

Today, mom and I chatted about raising children, mostly. She is particularly proud of my nephew who is 4 years old and loves to paint. Mom is not happy with the helper at home who has been slack in taking out the painting kit/gear for my nephew to mess around with. She wants him to continue painting.

I am instantly reminded of how mom has always been very supportive of letting us have a go at making things when we were little. Mom is really good at craft and making dolls and stuff. I never really liked dolls, and still don't.
I remember how mom painted and dressed up a complete doll made of icecream sticks and eggshell(for the head). It looked fantastic. I can never compete with mom on that end.

Cars, lemon perfume oil
So my little nephew who loves cars and loves to paint is being spoilt by my mom and dad. So is my niece who is 7. So is Princess who is 10. Three grandchildren -- and such generosity. Dad just mailed Princess a collection of Sonatinas...He had 2 years ago bought her a collection of over 100 famous pieces. He wants her to continue practising. Princess has learnt quite a few songs from the album dad sent including Moment Musical, Mussette, Doll's Dream and now Fur Elise and Hungarian Dance. Princess should be so thankful for such loving grandparents both - the Lees and the Woolfs. I also remember how Darling Aunty spent heaps of money buying a real McCovy easel for Princess when she was in her painting phase.

Children get the most stimulation and encouragement from the people around them -- whether it be at school, at home or at their friends'. Little people love to do things with their hands -- shape with playdough, hammer on a nail, cut and paste. I remember making a hole (big enough for pegs to fall through) on a little icecream container and throwing Princess a whole heap of pegs. Princess used to love dropping in the pegs and shaking the box...It cost nothing and provided countless hours of joy and stimulation.

Two weeks ago, Princess made her first batch of "perfume oil". My god-brother and his wife had bought Princess this awesome Chemistry sciencekit a few years ago. Princess has used bits and pieces of the kit and the kit had been sitting in her cupboard. Recently she felt inspired to make perfume. So she raided my fridge and got the peel out -- nearly burnt the plastic holder for the tubes -- but made 2 batches of something that resembled lemon perfume oil from her sciencekit. It was awesome watching the enthusiasm and experimentation going on. I didn't give her any help -- me being hopeless at reading instructions. Well, Princess presented one of the perfume tubes to our resident monk at Dorje Chang, who had his birthday early this month. The perfume oil was for him to use in water offering.

I hope Nephew gets to do more paintings and tries more pictures. I have a few of his drawings now (which I will put in a folder) and hope mom sends me more. We want to see him develop his love for painting. He may never like art when he grows older. Who cares. At this stage, all there is to do is to give him the canvas/opportunities and allow him freedom of expression. He may be the first artist in the Lee family just as Princess may be the first Chemist in the Woolf family.

Mom says she has to go. She is experimenting with a Chinese bun recipe I plucked of the internet for her. She says the measurements I gave her were off -- one cup of water was too little for 6 cups of flour. Indeed it was. She was right. But she copied the recipe wrongly...It should have been 1 and 3/4 cups of water, not 1. Ah, the sign of an intuitive cook. Let's hope the buns rise sufficiently and mom will be a convert to how we modern gals cook -- taking recipes off the internet!

$150 fine -- makes me a criminal!

I was fuming today. I got given a ticket. I had committed a traffic offense -- not stopping at a double yelllow stop line. I felt ridiculous. I felt outraged. I felt poor. $150 is a lot of money for a small oversight. I have never bumped into anyone on the road. Never had a speeding ticket. Had a small fine for parking at a 30 minute park longer than necessary.

So I was fuming and fuming. The police officer who stopped me told me in a very nice way I didn't stopped at the stop sign. The intersection was clear, there was no traffic coming anywhere....so being me, I turned left (after making sure there was no traffic coming down Allum Street from the right).

I had no excuse. But that didn't stop me for ranting for a few hours about the pitiful cop sitting by the roadside waiting for an offender like me. A good citizen -- I don't commit crimes, I don't steal lie or cheat or put graffiti on walls. Sigh.

This week I learnt an important lesson -- you can have a clean track record and get so bent up over a misdemeanor. I envy the countless cars that go pass that intersection without stopping and not getting caught. I hate the fact that the cop was sitting there -- all attentive but when real citizens get in serious trouble, the cops always arrive too late.

We had our house burgurled when we were renovating. Our kind neighbour spotted a car/registration departing from our property at 1am in the morning. We gave the police the details. The cops said they know the "offenders" but they were powerless to do anything as they dind't get caught in the act.

So I was unlucky, I got caught in the act while committing my offence.

Princess laughed. Hubby laughed. I didn't laugh.

I am still trying to get over how ridiculously affected I am by this whole traffic offence thing!

Anna's gone bald -- Support her cause

Those of you who have been following my sis in law Anna's ordeal with cancer will know what a courageous and can I add "tempestous" character Anna is. Anna is one never to mince her words. You won't get niceties from her but she is as genuine as they come!

People love Anna for many things. Even when she was in hospital sick with tumour ravaging her body, she still thinks about the person next to her bed.

Well, Anna is raising money to support the Luekemia & Bloodfoundation. Check out Anna's own page at Shaveforacure Help support Anna's cause.

“Screw the goldstars”

This week I read a book which really opened my eye to a few things. The book is called Learning Outside the Lines (Simon & Schuster). It is written by two people who were deemed “academic failures” who then went on to conquer their own Everest, to graduate at the top of their class in an Ivy League college.

Jonathan Mooney is a dyslexic student who only learnt how to read when he was 12. David Cole has ADHD and at 15 dropped out of high school. Cole went on to graduate with Honours in visual arts while Mooney was recipient of the distinguished Truman Fellowship.

After reading this book, I vowed not to be beholden by external markers of success for my child. Asian parents measure their children’s success by how high their exam marks show. Education, to us, is the hallmark of having beaten the system, and having thrived. Limited as this measure is, we have always relied on this as a measure of our parenting and personal victory. It is not, and it cannot be allowed to be.

Mooney and Cole made a strong case for every college student saving himself/or herself from the "institution". This is especially so for those students with learning disorders or disabilities. According to them, while we encourage our children to pursue college, or education (which puts them onto a professional track) most parents do not encourage their children to look inward to define “who we are or what we want, or chart an individualized path. Success often becomes external, in markers like the GPA (grade point average), internships, and the networking we do.”

I had friends who used to be smacked by their parents if they came home with anything “red” in their report cards. My parents were less draconian but I still got a major telling off if I came home with a red mark. (I think I only did once.) In the Asian context, getting smacked for not reaching your parent’s expectation is normal. A good report card is equivalent to upholding your family’s honour. Failing in school is synonymous with failing in life. Hence the intense focus on education excellence. Education is the passport to professionalism.

I have come across friends with kids diagnosed with ADHD, or kids who are slow to read or kids who can’t add or learn basic facts. How best to help these kids who will face the sanction of their teachers (because he won’t sit still or is disrupting the class”)? How best to help someone whose brain can’t collect information and regurgitate them like what the school system demands?

Learning Outside the Lines challenges the limited definition of intelligence heaped upon us by our education system. So if your child’s teacher gives him/her a below average mark for writing, or if you child gets a 10 out of 50 for math – do not despair. The book encourages us to look within ourselves to define “success” as an individual. “Screw the goldstars” (report cards) and “template identities”, the authors tell us. Instead focus on helping the kid excel at his personal goals.

Be compassionate, not 100% in math
As a parent, I think, I too have been consumed by external markers, worrying about spelling test scores and math groups in school. I think it will take me a while to shake off being bound by external markers of success. It is a hard process, to deprogramme something so deeply embedded. But try I must. I remember writing in one of Princess’ goals for a school term “to be compassionate” to her classmates and “enjoy learning”. I should have more of those rather than the more mundane goals of “achieving 100% accuracy in punctuation” or “master long division”.

Remember, we can waste too much time thinking that there is only one way to learn “in the classroom”. True learning is more powerful than that, “it cannot and should not ever be held prisoner by the classroom.”

Edward Hallowell (MD) wrote in his foreward of the book: “For centuries, the word stupid, combined with various intensifiers like bad, lazy, willful, or weak has been used to create a moral “diagnosis”. That moral diagnosis has ruined millions of lives. Now thanks to neuroscience, we are starting to make the medical diagnosis. We are starting to help unusual learners tap into their unusual talents. We are starting to realise how complex learning is, how destructive the concept of stupid has been, and how glorious getting the most out of a mind can be.”

It is all about hardwork - of wizards and geniuses

Early this week, round about 7.30, Princess told me to watch this feature on Breakfast (TV One). It was about New Zealand’s most brainy kid – a 16 year old King’s College boy called Stephen Mackereth. The reason Princess was yelling for me was she had tuned in to a conversation I was having with a friend at dinner about this same boy and thought I shouldn’t miss the item. This Stephen boy topped the world in 4 out of the 6 Cambridge papers he sat, my friend told me. He was the Australasian champion for the Brain Bee competition and is a consummate debater (in Spanish) (I found this info from the web, incidentally). While reading up about neuroscience or the mystic workings of the brain, he also laps up on Ancient Greek during his spare time. What is it that makes him tick? His television interview doesn’t really shed much light. He seems like a nice kid.

Check out TV One's Breakfast interview with Stephen Mackereth

I have a confession – I am a sucker for watching boy wonders (champions in spelling or math and the likes). I spend hours watching You Tube clips of piano protégés. It fascinates me how children or young people have the capacity to coax their brains to do so much while my own brain is so static. The brain is a wonderful machine. Use it or lose it is the prognosis. I plan to do word puzzles to keep my brain going when I go older, or will it be too late then?

So back to talent. Lately, New Yorker journalist Malcom Gladwell (of Tipping Point fame) came up with a book on success – Outliers: The Story of Success. His point was although we love to think about genius or raw talent as key to success, the reality is successful people have been presented with great opportunities to do what they love in the first place. I have read in several places that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to make a world class violinist. Gladwell reiterates this 10,000 hour-analogy. I haven’t read Gladwell’s book but a report in the Listener it sums up this way: It takes more than pure talent to succeed; it is better to give your kids more to do, more experiences, than to cushion them from hardwork. So if you are a mom ferrying your child to piano, to tennis, to math tuition, to drama, to dancing, to rugby, to cricket – you are on the right track. And if I heard all the child protégés correctly when they were interviewed, it tells the same story – they practice and practice and practice, some do three or four hours, others do six!

I keep parroting these words to Princess: “It is all about effort.” Some day, I hope she will remember talent is not everything, hard work is.

So Stephen, I think is a damn hardworking kid, to his credit. He also has inherent intelligence, curiosity and an infinite passion to learn – I think that is his key.

In schools, do they teach our kids in a way that unleashes their curiosity? Do they give kids the freedom to explore, to seek, to challenge? Or do the kids sit restless listening to the teacher drone on about this or that? This week, Princess has a topic to write on. No prizes for guessing. It has something to do with a dead boy king, some believe bludgeoned to death by a rival.